My Friends!  Gather 'round!  What I have to tell you is nothing short of astounding. Doctor Procter’s Genuine Beginner Ukulele Singalong cures everything from the common cold to deadly cancer, but it is particularly good at curing a lack of musical enjoyment in all but the most severe cases of amusia, and the already dead.

Every second Monday at twelve o’ the clock, Doctor Procter and/or her assistant and co-conspirator, the impossibly handsome Dr Jim Boots, will lead all comers in a rousing sing and strum-along comprising songs so easy their mothers gave up on them years ago, on instruments the learning of which is so simple, well... you get the idea, they aren’t hard, if not to master, then at least to have some fun with.

A certain amount of ukuleles will be provided, but bring one if you have one. If we run short, you can always just sing along or just get quietly drunk in the corner and enjoy the spectacle.